I check at the slender crack of light
If an amount of shit has graced the wad of paper
That I’d just scraped along my withered asshole
The mudlike scum sizzling like peroxide in the
Blistered crater of my sphincter
Formed from over obsessive wiping
And the dryness of the cheap brand
I check by the cracked door, for the light
Won’t turn on and I haven’t the will
To  phone maintenance, nor the will
To learn their number, or the will to call
A neighbor who’d know and share
But in those rare moments of dreamlike
Aloneness, I catch hold of every word
In the diarrhetic fervor, the diadem
Of fevers, at the door I behold a brown smudge
I’ll wipe again but switch to the moist tow-lets
I’ve been saving like a mouse in the cupboard
The world will never see up the snot in my
Nose, the world knows not where the food in me
Goes, but the world will see my beautiful
Forced, poetry smile. Because poems for pretty
Are pretty, and the clever endings that come full
Circle hold us in the well timed gestures of your arms,
Your public speaker arms, your spoken word
Smile, how you force that beautiful labia curve
Across your oddly cunt-like face
Because you know that force works
For everybody, look at me! Look at my beautiful smile
Look at how even now it works on my face, my dark
Mirror face, between the halos of the door and
Opposite window, the dimmest orange in the world
The grayest red in the mirror, I think
I’ve got some febreeze in the cupboard
But first, a warmth creeping down the gut
Of me, in a crack different from the door
Warns me the second wave to the sudden
Fresh chill of the seat, down from the door
To begin again, as a damned head afloat
With only its own shit to speak of,
For I am a virgin in all the wrong ways
For my “being” was not consensual either
And when life was forced on me in
The stomach of a dark alley, I had
 Not even the throat
To say no, no I’m not ready, please,
Don’t do this, oh god, and I recall
In a sudden, fresh chill, the forcing
Of a smile, and how while the pain
Seems to originate from my own nerves,
I am the one enveloped by space–
A cough and another tarlike -trickle, it is I
Who came by force, and in shame,
I penetrate the World.